The adventures of CLAUDIA Troi and Sonia JOY

I admit it. I am a dork. I am an Army Wives dork. My dorkishness began...well, it probably began when I was born but my Army Wives dorkishness began 3 summers ago when the show started and it coincided with John's first deployment at Travis. The first season of Army Wives was about to begin and that my friends, is when I became one of them....a fan....a bonified, certified fanatic. They made me laugh on those nights where I was alone. Maybe it was Pamela's sassiness that I found amusing,

or maybe it was my admiration of Denise's wardrobe and makeup,

or maybe it was their use of AAEAAUTS (Any And Every Army Acronym Under The Sun)


Or perhaps it was complete envy of Claudia Joy's ivy covered pergola with the lovely couch; but somewhere in that first season I became hooked. And hooked I am still.

Now if I was going to be so honest I would even admit to you that I have even logged on to Army Wives on Lifetime.com and played the trivia games. And if I wanted to be even more honest with you dear readers, I would share that I have scored 100% on each and every trivia quiz. And further, that I can match Pamela and Chase, Claudia Joy and Michael, and Frank and Denise and Roxy and Trevor up as husband and wife with their corresponding rank correctly in record time, but I choose not be that honest with you and instead, I will withhold that information for the sake of saving a shred of my remaining dignity. Ahem..

So that brings us to today when after a particulary great OSC function(where I scored/stole/borrowed for a photo op, a copy of the Air Force Wives Handbook.




I simply MUST get my own copy because I am all but certain it says if ever given the opportunity to peek inside the 3 star world, you should...and then take pictures....and then post them on your blog....and then buy a braclet whilst your there(even though you don't really need a new braclet).....but you must, must, must have a souvenir....yes, yes, I am certain this is what the handbook says to do. (Which is SUCH a relief to know that I acted properly)



Anyhoo, this particular function was highlighting the "Little Black Dress" skit written in the fifties by a military wife(seen it? So great!), my friend Troi and I were invited to a jewerly show afterward....at "Claudia Joy's" house.....and I couldn't sashay my way over there in my black paten leather sandals fast enough. So let's begin our tour shall we?


First let me begin by saying that Michael Holden is a 1 star General. My equivalent of Claudia Joy's husband had not one, not two, but three shiny stars...so it's kinda like Claudia Joy's house...except more...like Claudia Joy on crack.

Here we are approaching the destination:



My anticipation growing as we inch closer:



The kitchen.....with 3 OVENS!!!!


The beautiful starcase leading up to all 17 floors of this home..ok, 17 might be slightly exaggerating but nonetheless quite breathtaking:


3 Star Toilet Paper:


(looks remarkably similiar to Major toilet paper but I am almost certain it is infused with gold flakes or magic fairy dust or something)

Me...slightly blurry in the 3 star bathroom...(yes, I am a dork. This I know.)


The beautiful vanity...ahhhh...note the 24 carat gold faucet...the bathroom was amazing. Towels shoot out at your from the wall, a mecanized voice welcomes you from the vent, a fairy flies down to dispense your soap, it even pees for you! (Ok, maybe most of that was in my wonderful imagination)


And finally....the crem' de la 3 star, look closely and you can see it in the distance....THE PERGOLA!!CLAUDIA JOYS PERGoLA!! Where she and Denise and Pamela and Roxy and Rowland all have their little meetings!! Bestill my heart! I was two seconds away from high tailing my booty across the perfectly manicured grass to sit in it when I managed to regain my sense of self control.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes my peek into Claudia Joy's world..and what a starry world it is. Thank you to Claudia Troi for perfectly body blocking any other spectator, err I mean guest, from witnessing and/or interfering with my picture taking.

It was a great day, it was a lovely home, if any one needs me I'll be out back building my own pergola.

*All names in this re-enactment have been removed to protect the starriness of the people involved.* Well, except mine..cuz ya'll know me....and Troi's...because if you don't know her you should because she is just as crazy as I am.