I did it. I actually did it. However unintentional I committed what can only be described as an attempted 5th grade social suicide. I think I am still in shock. I do tend to pride myself on being a pretty cool mom. I do not, for example, roll down the window while dropping them at school and ask them such things like, "Did you put on clean undies today Punkie; because you don't want to get a rash again!" or "Don't worry honey, that zit is looking WAY better today." Nor do I bring out their naked baby pictures while they are having a sleepover with friends or other such horrific acts of motherhood. And then today.....IT happened.
About two weeks ago Jordan's backpack got a hole in the bottom and I being the cheapskate....I mean, cost concious mother that I am got out his dad's old backpack. It's hip, it's cool, it's a backpack. Nuff said. Today I was searching in each of the pockets while he was outside playing basketball, looking for any sign of another demerit because I hadn't been presented one today; and I just knew he was hiding one somewhere....and certainly, if he was hiding it...it must be really, really bad. Well, yee mother of little faith. No demerit issued today, Yippee. So as I am coming up empty with all of the other 45 pockets on the backpack I open the tiny little one in front....the last pocket.....and then IT happened.
Yep, it IS what you think it is. Do not adjust your monitor, do not adjust your bi-focal lenses, do not pass go and collect $200....it was almost 5th grade social suicide. I am mortified. Scratch that. I am BEYOND mortified. Whatever word is after mortified is what I am. I had taken this backpack to Disney at ATA a few months ago and I distinctly remember removing loads and loads of things in that backpack. Old water bottles, empty fruit cups, juice boxes, and even a box of matches that somehow ended up in there. Even then I remember thinking as I hurridly emptied it as we headed out the door for school that day, whew! Glad I found those matches, he would have gotten in big trouble for having those in his backpack....hmmm, remove the matches...leave the tampons....I am going to screw these kids up sooner or later.
And just in case that wasn't enough, the remaining contents in that tiny little pocket: a nasty tissue from Jack's cold at Disney, a plug for the hotel room, and two airplane pins. Yep, mother of the year right here ladies and gents. MOTHER OF THE YEAR.
1 comment:
hilarious! did he ever know?
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